I want to tell you that you are going to make it through the rough times. Bad shit happens. There’s no way around it, might as well call a spade a spade. I’m not sure who started the rumor that life is perfect every single second, but it ain’t. It’s not a Facebook or Insta photoshopped layout, it’s up and down and around and getting your head wrung out. Remember that you are not alone in it. Somewhere, someone is going through bad times, too. We all do. And somewhere, someone cares that you are suffering. There is still good out there! Good, great, beautiful also happens. Every. Single. Day. Everybody has scars. Scars heal and fade away, but remain visible as a reminder that you are strong enough to make it through to see the good times again.
I would recommend writing to anybody and everybody. It provides a way to deal with things that we sometimes don’t like to think about as being directly related to ourselves. I have found that if you write about it, you can remove yourself from it and look at it in a more objective way.
Sometimes, in order to be able to deal with things, we just need to see them in a different light. You don’t have to write a novel, unless you want to. Journaling or keeping a note app on your phone for thoughts that come to you when you’re doing other things can work great. I derive some kind of inner strength from this exercise.
It’s like you can create your own personal dragon in the story world and then slay it, even if you can’t necessarily do that in the real world yet. And that can sometimes give you that little ounce of courage to try it for real.
Amazon now delivers groceries. I already have Prime for dog food, coffee, and shampoo, so with Amazon partnering with Whole Foods, I shouldn’t have to leave the house for like, a year. Even if I do, Wal-Mart now has curbside service and we all know that Wal-mart is the portal to hell. Who’d wanna go inside? Curbside is close enough, thanks.
Netflix and CNN are there to remind me of some of the reasons why I’m an introvert. I mean, with meth-head zombies roaming and having visions of the dark lord, who needs to go out? It’s another Wal-Mart situation.
So, my question is this: if I can work online, shop online, and socialize online, why the hell would I even approach the door? I mean, I can see from my doorbell cam that it’s like an all out apocalypse out there.
Sure, Fed Ex and UPS may have to be militarized, but hey, being an introvert isn’t for everybody.
So why would I go out? Why would I go all Mad Max and venture out into the wasteland?
If you really want to write a book, there must be a time when you put your foot down and say, “This is what I want.” This is particularly true if you are still writing as a side hustle. If you continue to try and please everyone else, you will never make or take the time you need to write that book, which is what will make you happy as a writer. It’s not being selfish. If you are unhappy because you are too busy trying to make other people happy, then you are going to feel unfulfilled and frustrated. Negative vibes! If you are happy, then you naturally feed positive energy that radiates to everyone around you. Bonus: it comes back to you, too.
Some people are energy vampires! (And not the kind you find in abandoned castles!) Think I’m kidding? Ever been around someone that just drains you emotionally and you can’t put your finger on the reason why? It’s not fantasy, they exist. If someone takes the good energy from you and doesn’t reciprocate by being a friend to you when you need them, then they are emotionally draining. Proceed with caution!
Sometimes, it’s hard to love people and do what you need to do for yourself, but you have to learn to practice self care. Nobody says you can’t do it in a nice way. You can stick up for yourself and say what you want and need. It is not mean or selfish or unkind to keep yourself healthy and happy (or to be able to pay the rent).
“Don’t dream it, be it.” -Dr. Frank N. Furter (Guilty! I love that movie!)
I’ve only recently come out of the writing closet. For years, I have written secretly, under cover of darkness. I’m not sure if I was more afraid of what readers would think of my work or what my family would say.
Most of my family don’t know I write steamy romance novels. I daresay that their disapproval of my genre choice would be detrimental to my writing and my progress as a person. Therefore, I keep my author self separate from them because at the end of the day, I must write.
So many times we are held back because of the fear of judgement. Why do we do that? Let’s build each other up, instead! The things we could do (for each other and the world)!
My whole mindset is different at night. I have the “get things done” state of mind going on during the daylight hours, but when nighttime rolls around and things get quiet, my mind shifts gears.
NaNoWriMo even has a night of writing dangerously. Maybe it’s ingrained into us to behave and think differently at night. Maybe it’s all the spooky things that lurk in the dark corners of our consciousness. Everything is mystical and poetic through the lens of sunless silence.
Sometimes, you sip coffee, scribble in your notebook, and something magical happens. You wake up, read what you wrote the night before and think, “Holy hell, where did that come from?” and feel like an insomniatic god.
Maybe try it at night, in the dark, or by moonlight.
About ten years ago, I finished my first book. I was so proud and excited, I immediately started sending out query letters only to be rejected multiple times just like all authors before me. Enter Amazon self-publishing. Okay, self, new plan. I could go with it. I designed a cover, uploaded it, and was off to the races. People downloaded. Some people even liked it! I was thrilled. And then came the one terrible review. The one that brought all my momentum to a screeching halt. She didn’t like my work at all and was not shy in telling the world about it.
I stopped writing. I don’t generally give up easily, but in my mind, if one person hated it so much, then surely there would be others. I pulled the book from Amazon and went on with the rest of my life. I gave up.
My work is not above reproach. No one’s work is perfect. I just want to tell you, don’t let negativity stop you from doing what you want to do. Instead, let it drive you to be better, to work harder, to obtain that goal you have set for yourself. I have finally learned to accept criticism and use it as positive redirection and that has made all the difference.
There’s something to be said for being present, in the moment, mindful. Whatever you like to call it, it is a powerful tool for dealing with stress and anxiety. For my own self, I try to make it a rule not to beat myself up for the events or disappointments from the day before. I allow myself to make new goals and start over everyday if need be.
I have found that being stuck in the past, worrying about things that I cannot change or have no control over, robs me of the energy I need to bring about the things that I want. I hope you will allow yourself that freedom and that it helps you to be less anxious so that you can focus on the things that make you happy. 🙂