Tag: funny

Psst…I Want to Touch You

Text placeholder (2)Now before you go and insert some kind of subtext into that, let me explain. As a writer, my whole goal is to reach inside your mind, your heart, your soul…and touch you.

I want to make you love and hate. I want you to be afraid and escape with your life. Nothing makes me happier than for your heart to race, wondering what’s coming next, and then take you to places you might not go on your own.

Trust me! I don’t want to hurt you…I only want to make you afraid that I will break your heart into little bitty bits and walk away, leaving you breathless and alone. But, I wouldn’t do that. Would I?

The Rise of the Introvert (Or Circumventing the Meth-Head Apocalypse)

Text placeholder (15)Amazon now delivers groceries. I already have Prime for dog food, coffee, and shampoo, so with Amazon partnering with Whole Foods, I shouldn’t have to leave the house for like, a year. Even if I do, Wal-Mart now has curbside service and we all know that Wal-mart is the portal to hell. Who’d wanna go inside? Curbside is close enough, thanks.

Netflix and CNN are there to remind me of some of the reasons why I’m an introvert. I mean, with meth-head zombies roaming and having visions of the dark lord, who needs to go out? It’s another Wal-Mart situation.

So, my question is this: if I can work online, shop online, and socialize online, why the hell would I even approach the door? I mean, I can see from my doorbell cam that it’s like an all out apocalypse out there.

Sure, Fed Ex and UPS may have to be militarized, but hey, being an introvert isn’t for everybody.

So why would I go out? Why would I go all Mad Max and venture out into the wasteland?

I can tell you why: to take the dogs out.