If you really want to write a book, there must be a time when you put your foot down and say, “This is what I want.” This is particularly true if you are still writing as a side hustle. If you continue to try and please everyone else, you will never make or take the time you need to write that book, which is what will make you happy as a writer. It’s not being selfish. If you are unhappy because you are too busy trying to make other people happy, then you are going to feel unfulfilled and frustrated. Negative vibes! If you are happy, then you naturally feed positive energy that radiates to everyone around you. Bonus: it comes back to you, too.
Some people are energy vampires! (And not the kind you find in abandoned castles!) Think I’m kidding? Ever been around someone that just drains you emotionally and you can’t put your finger on the reason why? It’s not fantasy, they exist. If someone takes the good energy from you and doesn’t reciprocate by being a friend to you when you need them, then they are emotionally draining. Proceed with caution!
Sometimes, it’s hard to love people and do what you need to do for yourself, but you have to learn to practice self care. Nobody says you can’t do it in a nice way. You can stick up for yourself and say what you want and need. It is not mean or selfish or unkind to keep yourself healthy and happy (or to be able to pay the rent).
“Don’t dream it, be it.” -Dr. Frank N. Furter (Guilty! I love that movie!)
My whole mindset is different at night. I have the “get things done” state of mind going on during the daylight hours, but when nighttime rolls around and things get quiet, my mind shifts gears.
NaNoWriMo even has a night of writing dangerously. Maybe it’s ingrained into us to behave and think differently at night. Maybe it’s all the spooky things that lurk in the dark corners of our consciousness. Everything is mystical and poetic through the lens of sunless silence.
Sometimes, you sip coffee, scribble in your notebook, and something magical happens. You wake up, read what you wrote the night before and think, “Holy hell, where did that come from?” and feel like an insomniatic god.
Maybe try it at night, in the dark, or by moonlight.
About ten years ago, I finished my first book. I was so proud and excited, I immediately started sending out query letters only to be rejected multiple times just like all authors before me. Enter Amazon self-publishing. Okay, self, new plan. I could go with it. I designed a cover, uploaded it, and was off to the races. People downloaded. Some people even liked it! I was thrilled. And then came the one terrible review. The one that brought all my momentum to a screeching halt. She didn’t like my work at all and was not shy in telling the world about it.
I stopped writing. I don’t generally give up easily, but in my mind, if one person hated it so much, then surely there would be others. I pulled the book from Amazon and went on with the rest of my life. I gave up.
My work is not above reproach. No one’s work is perfect. I just want to tell you, don’t let negativity stop you from doing what you want to do. Instead, let it drive you to be better, to work harder, to obtain that goal you have set for yourself. I have finally learned to accept criticism and use it as positive redirection and that has made all the difference.
Okay, this is how all consuming it is to be a writer. I write romantic thrillers, which I also love to read. Developing characters that readers fall in love with is part of my job. But, do you know what happens when the writer falls for the leading guy? You get jealous of your heroine. You start mourning the end of the book because you’re going to have to say goodbye to him. You’re really cranky and a little bit miffed that he doesn’t exist.
Then, you have to let him go and move on to the hunky guy that will live in your next book. What does that make me? A die hard romantic? Serial swooner? Hopefully both. 🙂
If you come to my house at two in the afternoon, I will probably still be in my pajamas. I won’t have combed my hair and I probably haven’t been out of the bed very long.
I am not lazy. I do have a job. I am a writer.
Sometimes, I write all night and can still get up and do all the things that normal people do, but that won’t be the day that you come to visit. The day you come visit me, I will have stayed up till dawn, slept two hours, and then managed to make it to the coffee pot before hitting the sofa to do it again.
I know not all writers have this crazy existence, but a lot of us do.
When I was in the sixth grade, we had a substitute teacher for about three days. My regular teacher failed to leave any kind of lesson plan for the substitute, so she was left trying to do something to keep twenty-five eleven and twelve-year-olds busy. This smart lady brought Stephen King’s “It” to class and read it aloud.
It was both the beginning and the end. It was the beginning of a lifelong love of reading and writing and all things Stephen King. It was the end of my doing any reading assignments that involved anything less than what I considered to be the equivalent of that book.
I outright refused to waste my time reading articles or books in which I was not interested, to the dismay of my parents and teachers. I would spend my time reading the books that were considered fringe for my age and my grades could just suffer.
Until I was in the tenth grade and met Mr. Edward Rochester. Oh, how a few years can change things!
I am in no way a doctor or nutritionist or therapist of any kind. Just FYI up front. This information is from personal experience and I feel that I should share what I’ve learned for those of you who may be struggling with this issue.
I see that many of my fellow writers struggle with anxiety and depression. I wanted to share something and if it helps even one person to feel better, then I will have done the right thing in doing so.
A very close friend of mine has struggled with anxiety and depression for years. She has experienced severe panic attacks, stress induced hives, and severe acne. These symptoms were attributed to her anxiety, but there was never any underlying condition given as to what was causing the anxiety.
About two years ago, she developed facial swelling, digestive disturbances, and hives all over her body. Then one morning, she had a severe allergic reaction to cereal. She began to wonder if this was somehow connected to her anxiety because some people who are gluten intolerant also have similar symptoms.
My friend eliminated gluten and later, grain from her diet. She noticed that she had numbing of her mouth when eating nuts and sometimes with shrimp. She visited a specialist and turns out, she did have food allergies. She was also told that the sense of impending doom she always struggled with could be a symptom of an anaphylactic reaction. Scary stuff.
After going on a clean diet, and by that I mean no processed foods or allergens, she is feeling much better. Almost all of her digestive and skin issues subsided. After about a year of clean eating, she has much less anxiety. Changing her diet has been a very helpful way to manage her symptoms.
I’m not saying that this is an answer for everyone, but if you’ve tried other things and they haven’t worked, it could help to try changing your diet as a means to feeling better.